Today I am finding it very difficult to find the words for the feelings and emotions that I want to express, yet I can not stop myself from giving up on writing this post. So here it ....
I want to start with a question?
Do you have a spouse or are you in a relationship where one of the spouse is so in-secured and or possessive that he/ she won't let you have relationship outside the family???
I guess there are many....
In arranged marriages it is quite possible that you never got the chance to learn about this aspect of your spouse before your marriage, but I guess in love marriages you spend enough time with your partner in knowing them before you take the plunge.
One of the mistakes which most of the couples in love do is that they think I will change him/ her my way or things will change after the marriage. Does it???
I had an arranged marriage and my would be wife came from a very conservative family.
I would not say I belonged to a progressive thinking family, but yes my parents were I guess open minded. May be that is the reason we never felt that it was inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex, because we were never told not to speak or make friends with opposite sex.
For us friend is a friend male or female doesn't matter as long as you know where to draw the line.
All my life I have had friends from both the sexes coming to my house, but that got significantly reduced after my marriage and I guess you all know why???
After few months into marriage my then wife asked me if I ever had a girlfriend before marriage. The answer was NO because I never had one. It does not mean I did not wanted to have one, it was just that the girl I was interested in was not interested in me :))))
The other question she asked me after this was a googly, she asked Will you remarry if I die???
Hard one wasn't it???
I tried to dodge that one and tried to change the topic, I mean I never thought about it and here she was hell bent on getting the answer, so after thinking for a while I did answer her.
She got me sweared and wanted an honest answer, which I gave her.
It was YES, why not?
I guess this was the first hint she threw about how possessive she was which eventually showed its face after few years into marriage.
As mentioned already that I had friends from both the genders whom I continued meeting outside of house.
Of these one was my female friend whom I had known since we were kids and hence we gelled well. I would go to the extent of saying she is my soulmate. Before you jump to any conclusions read my post >>>"Soulmate"
She did not approved of my keeping any ties with her, may be because she was single (she still is) and I did not take her advise.
According to my limited knowledge the foundation of a successful and happy marriage are based on four key things. To know what they are as per me please also read "Marriages are made in HEAVEN"
I am not seeking any endorsements from you for the decision I took, but yes one thing I wish to ask you all reading this mail is this... Why should any or both the partner expect that there should be no one else in your respective partners life while dating or after marriage? And by this I am not referring or promoting extra marital affair or adultery.
What harm in having a platonic friend. Is it that difficult a fact to digest or do you belive that such kind of friendship's do not exist?
If you are possessive as a partner or are in-secured about your relationship it's time you ask some tough questions to yourself and to each other.
Above all if you find it difficult to trust your partner despite all their assurances which actually may be true, then I guess it will be wise of you to "LET GO" off one of these two, your INSECURITIES or your PARTNER
Not all relationships have Happy endings but each one of us is empowered to make a choice of living a Happy life.
How??? go figure out..
I shared my story as I think there are many out there who either had gone through the same experience or are going as you are reading this.
What did you do or what do you think you want or wanted to do? share your thoughts or ask me if you want to know from my insights.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post is solely mine and the sharing is from my personal experience and is not to be construed as a PROFESSIONAL ADVICE