Don't loose yourself, while pleasing others

Relationships are meant to help us grow and enjoy the company of the person with whom we are. The one where the involved person's are in a happy space and look forward to spend good time together. Isn't it?

And here I am not referring to any one particular sort of a relationship, I am talking about all kinds of them, that as a couple, or  friends, with siblings, and parents, your clients, colleagues etc...

Well it does not always happen that way, right?

Generally I am a happy go lucky person and believe in having meaningful and long term relationships and associations, yet their were instances where I had to turn harsh to the extent of being rude and let go of the person I once liked and was fond of.

Why I am writing about this ?

Well because often I see people doing more harm to themselves, trying to be nice and pleasing when they are suffering and in immense pain inside.

And why so ? So that they are looked upon as being a good person who care.

It makes no sense to be in such a relationship which is only doing more harm to you then good.

Source- Google Images

 I remember cutting myself loose of some people whom I had known for some time and even several years, one to the extent of almost 35 years of my life.

The person in question was someone I had known all my life and although she never did or intended to do any harm to me, but her pessimism and negativity was taking toll on my emotional well being.

I always patiently listened to her problems whenever she discussed it with me, and gave her solutions as to how she can do certain things in order to overcome them. I constantly tried to motivate and inspire her by citing examples of other people in similar or worst situations, but then came a time when all she wanted to see and talk about was negativity.

Finally one day I told her on her face, your negative approach towards life is not going to help you, but you comparing our situations ( I was also going through some tough times myself then) and blaming destiny and all is affecting me and I do not want to be party to this any more. If you can not stop doing that I will have no option but to tell this that "Please do not call me ever again"

It was that day and till this day,  I never heard from her nor did I called or asked about her to the people known to us.

Source- Google Images

Yes, it is not good to break any relation but if it becomes a threat to our sanity and leads you to depression and becomes an emotional burden then its always better to drop the baggage and walk off.

I never thought ill of the people with whom I cut off and I will never ever do that, its just that now I will never go back to them and its better this way.

If you have something similar to share please write to me I would love to read your stories.

"Insecurities and Possessiveness"

Today I am finding it very difficult to find the words for the feelings and emotions that I want to express, yet I can not stop myself from giving up on writing this post. So here it ....

I want to start with a question?

Do you have a spouse or are you in a relationship where one of the spouse is so in-secured and or possessive that he/ she won't let you have relationship outside the family???

I guess there are many....

In arranged marriages it is quite possible that you never got the chance to learn about this aspect of your spouse before your marriage, but I guess in love marriages you spend enough time with your partner in knowing them before you take the plunge.

One of the mistakes which most of the couples in love do is that they think I will change him/ her my way or things will change after the marriage. Does it???

I had an arranged marriage and my would be wife came from a very conservative family. 

I would not say I belonged to a progressive thinking family, but yes my parents were I guess open minded. May be that is the reason we never felt that it was inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex, because we were never told not to speak or make friends with opposite sex. 

For us friend is a friend male or female doesn't matter as long as you know where to draw the line.

All my life I have had friends from both the sexes coming to my house, but that got significantly reduced after my marriage and I guess you all know why???

After few months into marriage my then wife asked me if I ever had a girlfriend before marriage. The answer was NO because I never had one. It does not mean I did not wanted to have one, it was just that the girl I was interested in was not interested in me :)))) 

The other question she asked me after this was a googly, she asked Will you remarry if I die???

Hard one wasn't it??? 

I tried to dodge that one and tried to change the topic, I mean I never thought about it and here she was hell bent on getting the answer, so after thinking for a while I did answer her.

She got me sweared and wanted an honest answer, which I gave her. 

It was YES, why not? 

I guess this was the first hint she threw about how possessive she was which eventually showed its face after few years into marriage. 

As mentioned already that I had friends from both the genders whom I continued meeting outside of house.

Of these one was my female friend whom I had known since we were kids and hence we gelled well. I would go to the extent of saying she is my soulmate. Before you jump to any conclusions read my post >>>"Soulmate"

She did not approved of my keeping any ties with her, may be because she was single (she still is) and I did not take her advise. 

According to my limited knowledge the foundation of a successful and happy marriage are  based on four key things. To know what they are as per me please also read "Marriages are made in HEAVEN"

Source: https://asriran.info/lists/b/broken-mirror-reflection-wallpaper/

I did not break my friendship to save my marriage. 

I am not seeking any endorsements from you for the decision I took, but yes one thing I wish to ask you all reading this mail is this... Why should any or both the partner expect that there should be no one else in your respective partners life while dating or after marriage? And by this I am not referring or promoting extra marital affair or adultery. 

What harm in having a platonic friend. Is it that difficult a fact to digest or do you belive that such kind of friendship's do not exist? 

If you are possessive as a partner or are in-secured about your relationship it's time you ask some tough questions to yourself and to each other.

Above all if you find it difficult to trust your partner despite all their assurances which actually may be true, then I guess it will be wise of you to "LET GO" off one of these two, your INSECURITIES or your PARTNER

Not all relationships have Happy endings but each one of us is empowered to make a choice of living a Happy life.

How??? go figure out..

I shared my story as I think there are many out there who either had gone through the same experience or are going as you are reading this.

What did you do or what do you think you want or wanted to do? share your thoughts or ask me if you want to know from my insights.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post is solely mine and the sharing is from my personal experience and is not to be construed as a PROFESSIONAL ADVICE 

Book Review: 26 Days 26 Ways for a happier You (Priyanka Nair)

Book Review

Cover Page of the E-Book

Book Name: 26 Days 26 Ways for a happier you (An A to Z guide to Self- Help and Self - Awareness)
Author: Priyanka Nair
Genre: Self help
Pages: 72

Review: 
The book offers its reader a chance to amend the ways of dealing with self, people, relationships and our emotions.

As the name goes the book offers 26 insights into various aspects of life which affect our mental health, relationships and  above all our self esteem and confidence.

Topics like Acceptance, Letting go, Negativity, Stop Pleasing and many more which often some find difficult to overcome are beautifully dealt with and written about.

The Book not only talks about the issues but also gives practically tried and tested solutions as it comes from Priyanka's (Author) own life experiences.

At several instances Priyanka has very beautifully used idioms and quotes to put her point and perspective across for the readers.

The easy flow of words and simple language makes it a smooth read powered with loads of impact.

I have been through the same set of experiences and learned a lot from my own experience, back then knowledge by way of internet and social media was not within reach of most as can be seen now.

This E- book can be your source of learning and inspiration to avoid the pitfalls and/ or come out of them using Priyanka's Wisdom as a guiding star someone else's Wisdom force.

Why read this book?
Each day brings with it challenges and opportunities, but seldom do all focus only on opportunities. Instead all the attention stays on the hardships and the struggle that each  life comes with. We all have a choice to to design our destiny. I have shared one such in my earlier post "From My Diary- Choices I made ~ #1

This book offers you all the simple key to unlock the gates of opportunities and perspective you never might have thought of. This book comes handy by way of its 26 ways to take charge of your life and design your own destiny the way you always wanted.

About Author:
Priyanka Nair is a full time blogger and a Vlogger now. Before venturing into the world of blogging which according to her is her "Happy Space" she worked with various multinationals for over eight years.

Priyanka battled with depression during her critical illness and it was during those days she got the time to introspect and analyse her life and then decided to take charge of herself and had to take some tough decisions to make amends in her life and come out as a survivor.

From her interactions on people through her blogs Priyanka realzed that their are lot of people who are in the same boat as she once was in, so she actively started sharing her story and this helped people thus contributing towards the betterment of people and society in general.

She got so involved that she got motivated to acquire a skill set in tthe field of Mental awareness that Priyanka is now also pursuing her Doctorate in Pscychology.

To know more and connect with Priyanka choose your preferred medium from any one or all of the below:

Blog: https://priyankaspen.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/VirtualSiyahi/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/VirtualSiyahi

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual_siyahi/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/priyanka2323

Rush and get in touch NOW with Priyanka Nair to grab your free copy of her e-Book "26 Days 26 Ways for happier you" (limited period offer)

Do read her book and share your feedback and comments with us. If you like it please share and subscribe for more

Happy day :)

When I was a Kid, I ran away from "MILK"

Yes we all have been there,when we were kids.... and boy what a time it was :)))

Then it was all about just playing and eating and beating and when I think of more the list will goes on and on and on...

Back then my Mom would often be behind me to drink "MILK", making all sorts of stories and giving examples to explain how Milk was so important for our overall health.

I am sure your mom or you as a parent now, too does that?

If yes, then you must continue reading this post...

Few years ago a very close friend of mine introduced me to one of his colleague . It was a very brief interaction and we never met again.

Very recently the same old friend called me up and asked me to talk to Vidushi, since she needed some professional help related to one of my fields of expertise,.

 I asked, Vidushi...... Who?

It took him some time to help me recollect who he was talking about.

Vidushi is still his colleague but is now "Dr Vidushi Agrawal" in fact a very renowned "Dietician & Nutritionist"

I was checking out her website, when I came across her blog-post Why NO to MILK & YES to CURD & PANEER (COTTAGE CHEESE)

On the same lines, I also came across her video  "Beautiful Explanation on Relationship between Diabetes & Milk"

I was astonished to find how Milk could play a part in Diabetes. It was hard to believe for me as a lay man, so I saw her complete profile on her website and her credentials.

I found out that not only is she well qualified with a long standing practice and seemed to be an authoritative figure in her filed., since she is also has to her credit several  "Recognition & Awards" which speak for her.

She knows what she's speaking and this made me think, should one consume milk, at all ?

Well as they say there is always three set/ group of people The one's who are "FOR" then there are those who are "AGAINST". I belong to the third group, that of a "NEUTRAL". My main reason being I do not have milk except for a very little quantity that too in my morning cuppa tea.

Whether you  should or wish to continue with drinking or having milk in your daily diet is something you need to decide, but yes if you are looking for some Diet advise do get in touch with Dr. Vidushi Agrawal through her website or Blog.

And if you already have a Dietician, but need someone to home deliver "Healthy Food" for you (only in Mumbai) then please log on to "www.leanmeal.co" for some yummy and mouth watering recipes
specially designed and  hand crafted, as per their in house assessment or your Dietician's diet chart

Hope the information shared here was helpful.

If you found this article useful please share with your friends and near and dear ones. And do not forget to send in your feedback and please drop in comments section.

Happy Day :)

Can men, not choose to be a house husband ???

I met someone whom I have known for some time now. Unfortunately she is headed for a divorce.

The lady is self employed with two lovely kids and makes a decent living of her own. She is financially independent and takes care of all her household expenses and kids education.

Her husband does not work, but never asks for any financial aid from her. How he manages his expenses only he knows. And yes he pays the EMI of their house too. He does have some ancestral property back in his hometown, but I am not sure if that is good enough to take care of his expenses and house EMI !!!

I did meet him once, and he seemed to be a nice man. Well behaved and cordial, smart and well educated with an MBA degree. He did work for some big firm for few years.

I asked the lady the reason for her decision to divorce this man whom she loved and dated for 8 years before they got married.

One of the reasons for the divorce was that he was not working.

Yes it was a valid one, yet I somehow felt that it was not such a big issue. Why you may ask?

Well to answer that one, let me take help of a Bollywood movie "Ki & Ka"

If you haven't seen this movie you should see it first or may be sometime to understand the underlying reasoning.

I wonder if it ever occurred to her that may be her husband does not want to go out and work , and wanted to be at home and preferred taking care of house and kids, while she worked !!!

Till few years ago typically it was a man's responsibility to earn for the bread and butter and upkeep of the family and females played the role of housewife.

Then came the time when both husband and wife earned and contributed for the prosperity of the family.

So is it not possible that there will come a time or may be it is already in evolution stage ,where in man would like to be at home and take of the household chores and children while women will go out and earn for the family ?

Apparently I have a friend who stayed at house and took care of his child while his wife worked. Its not that he never worked but before the baby came in they had talked about this arrangement and it worked out just fine for them.

I myself love working from home and loves household chores too. and my question to all you out there reading this blog is this...

Can men, not choose to be a house husband or homes-man???  The way some females prefer to be a housewife.

Do share your thoughts and stories of such unconventional couple or people you know of, or the idea in general. I would love to read your comments and reply to them.

Stay connected, for more... Happy day :)

My Visit To Police Station

Today morning I received a call from a PSI (Police sub Inspector) attached to Dadar Police Station. The call was for me to come and collect my bag which I had forgotten in a Taxi.

The taxi driver a good Samaritan and a responsible citizen who had dropped me home found it out when I guess he was calling off for his day. I am now assuming that since he might be staying at Prabhadevi, he went to Dadar police station and handed over my bag to them, so that it reaches safely to its rightful owner, which is me.

As per our telecon I reached Dadar at around 1:15 pm and made a call to him. He did not pick up the call as he was in court at that time. I dropped him a message informing that I was at Dadar and where do I come to meet him. After few minutes I called him again and this time he answered that he had to go to court and that he will be back only by 4:00 - 4:30 pm

I had enough time on my hand so I took my Mom and my younger brother who were with me, to Mahalaxmi Temple and Siddhivinayak Temple. They are very religious and I thought why not make this time useful and take them there.

They had good darshan at both the temples and were very pleased. While they were visiting Siddhivinayak temple I went to the Police station. I asked my brother to give me a call on my mobile phone when they are done with temple visit.

I had to wait for sometime because the person (PSI) with whom I spoke was still to come. I must have waited for about forty five minutes or so there. While I was waiting I was observing everything happening there. I saw the people working there were very helpful and co-operative to all the other people who came by with whatever there reasons were. Not only they all the police personnel's but the overall staff were doing there respective jobs very diligently and responsibly. Not once did I see any of them behaving rude or being uncooperative with anybody who came there with there grievances. The over all staff was very well behaved and polite and helpful.

The other good thing which I saw was there adaptation to using technology be it e-mail, or whatsapp or text message. This person (PSI) had used whatsapp to get in touch with me while my phone was switched off. I had an envelope in the bag which was supposed to be sent to a friend and which had both his and my contact details, this helped him (PSI) to get in touch with me.

There was one more thing which I observed. Most of them were in a very good shape. Fit and healthy. I was amused at seeing all this. The image which normally is portrayed in films or the way people had perceived and talk about them was very different. Here I had my first hand experience and seeing and listening to them and the way they were all carrying there duty was really commendable.

I did manage to get my bag with all my contents in it safe and intact, after verifying my identity and the contact details. I was asked to give a xerox copy of my identity and address proof , which I did but not as hard copy as in xerox, but using online mode. Yes I shared it via whatsapp the social media application.

The experience I had there was something I wished to share and let you all know that police people are not as bad as they are portrayed or perceived. They are very helpful and cooperative and are very responsibly honoring there command of duty through there services. They too are like us and they empathize with us and are doing there duty well as we all try to do in our respective fields of work.

When I came out of that place I had came out with a sense of safety and security, and my respect and faith in them was elevated. Today in that police station I witnessed the change, a new changing India and changing people, all changing for good. They are also helping to make this world a better place to live.

I don't know how or what has caused this, whether it is our current governments effort in promoting technology in all government institutions, deploying steadily CCTV's  in all there offices and workplaces, on road and stations and all those places which needs constant monitoring so as to let us all know that we are being watched.

Yes, India and its people are adapting to change both in terms of using technology to its benefit and there behavior and attitude in the way they carry out their work, and this I am seeing happening in every filed of work. May be the governments slogan "Acche din aayenge..." will be a reality soon, all we need to do is have faith, patience and lend our support to them in whatever they are doing. Because only those in the highest echelons in the government knows what they are doing, why it needs to be done and how it needs to be done. One of the important pre-requisite of a good leader of the country is that he/ she needs to be a visionary and think long term and serve selflessly putting its country and people first, above anything else. Thus I believe will ensure the well being of all nation and its inhabitants in the times to come.

We all want a better and clean and progressive India, right? They are doing there bit, so should we. Let us all make effort at our individual level to act responsibly in all our deeds and help our country become on the Best countries in the world, let us all join hands to make INDIA, truly Incredible India....

P.S: After seeking his permission, I am putting the name of the PSI who helped me and the police station he is attached to where I was waiting and wrote my observations. The name of this kind man is PSI - A. Gadhave, who is attached to Shaitan chowky Police station, Dadar, Mumbai, Maharshtra, India

PTA meetings ...

A friend called me today to tell how she raised some issues at her child's #PTA (Parent Teacher Association) meeting in the school, and now she is concerned, what if her child might be subjected to ill treatment from his teachers ?

I could see that she was worried and all...

I asked her if the points she raised were just her views or other parents also agreed to it ?

She said, others also supported.

Good I said, then what is bothering you ?

She said the class teacher with whom they were interacting was not taking the issues seriously and this lead to heated debate.

Incidentally the school's principal who was passing by the class heard the commotion and came in asking about it. 

Parents informed him what happened and the principal took charge of the meeting from there on.

He asked all the parents to jot down there concerns on a piece of paper along with their contact details and their kid's name and class details. He assured them that he will personally go through all of them and will try to arrive at a mutually favorable decision. 

Now since my friend was one of the parents who had submitted her issues/ points on that piece of paper along with details of herself and her ward, she is worried now, "WHAT IF" ???

Have you as a parent also faced the same situation ?

If yes, this is what I would like to ask you as a parent ?

Why is the concept of PTA meeting evolved??? Is it just for the name sake or is it truly a platform where in you parent and the teachers can interact with each other and try to acknowledge and help improvise your wards overall learning experience ? 

Also is it not the responsibility of the school to ensure that your child excel in whatever they do ? Please remember these kids are not just your ward they are also the representatives of the schools. 

When they complete there education and move out into the real world the question will come, where did you study ? And at this moment it is not about you but the school where they studied. So the schools image is also at stake.

School is the place where a child is taught so many things. And this usually includes imparting bookish knowledge, monitoring their moral conduct, identifying their talent and creative interest and chanelising and developing their recreational faculties. 

A school is not just a place to earn a degree, its a workshop and an institution where kids are prepared and trained to transform into not just good students and better human beings but they are also prepared to carry a certain level of conduct which will help the nation and the world to be a better place to live.

After your home, school is the second best place which not only offers education it also instills value system into your child. 

My humble appeal to you all, the members of Parent Teacher Association (PTA) [anywhere and everywhere on this planet]. #PTA meetings is your chance to interact  and work with each other and ensure that the welfare of your child/ student is supreme. 

P.S: This post is also my gratitude and tribute to all the teachers and the educational institutions all over the world.